Star Wars and Crumb Sandwiches
by Bermuda Lopsided Shape
Summary: Our heroes go to see the new Star Wars movie when... Oh, sorry, I can't tell you.
1. Default Chapter

Star Wars and Crumb Sandwiches  
  
Written by Andy, put online by Bermuda  
  
Disclaimer: Anchor Bay's new motto: Don't think…. It's too hard. This is what we do in school. I own everything. Now where's my piece of string?  
  
Summary: Satine, Marie, Nini, Green Fairy, Toulouse, Zidler, and Christian's trip to the movies*  
  
*and other various places  
  
Act 1  
  
Scene 1  
  
(our heroes, and our new heroes, are at the movies seeing Star Wars Ep II)  
  
Zidler: This is going to be the best Lord of the Rings movie ever!  
  
Toulouse: Zidler, we're not seeing Lord of the Rings.  
  
Zidler: Huh??  
  
Christian: This is Star Wars.  
  
Zidler: You said we were seeing Lord of the Rings!  
  
Nini: We never said that!  
  
Green Fairy: The new Lord of the Rings movie isn't even out yet.  
  
Zidler: But- but- but- AHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
(Zidler runs out of the theater crying)  
  
Christian: Crazy Zidler.  
  
Satine: Aliens!!!  
  
(She hides under the chair)  
  
Marie: What aliens?  
  
Satine: Them! (She points to AB teachers Mr. Pagel, Mrs. Nutter, and the inquisitive lunch lady, who have just walked in.) I have reason to believe all of them are aliens. They mustn't see me!  
  
Nini: Hi Mr. Pagel! Hi Mrs. Nutter! Hi the inquisitive lunch lady!  
  
Satine: Nini!!!  
  
(They walk over to our heroes)  
  
Mrs. Nutter: Hello you…. Everyone. Where might Satine be? Did she come?  
  
Nini: Oh yes. She's right here. Under this chair.  
  
(Satine comes out)  
  
Mr. Pagel: Hello Ms. Potato Chips--  
  
Satine: My name is not Ms. Potato Chips, it's--  
  
Mr. Pagel: Shut up you foolish girl!!! Your name is Ms. Potato Chips! Let's go everyone.  
  
(they leave, Zidler comes back)  
  
Zidler: Okay, I'll watch Star Wars with you, only if you drag me.  
  
Toulouse: Zidler, you're already here.  
  
Christian: So sit down!  
  
(Christian snaps his fingers and ropes tie Zidler to a chair)  
  
Marie: How's that possible?  
  
Green Fairy: Yeah, how'd you do that---  
  
Christian: Shush! The movie's starting.  
  
Nini: Where'd Stephanie go?  
  
Satine: I'm under the chair again.  
  
Toulouse: How can you see the movie?  
  
Satine: I'm watching it on my portable movie theater.  
  
Christian: No more talking.  
  
(5 min. later)  
  
Zidler: I want to see Lord of the Rings! And this so-called popcorn is terrible! I want a crumb sandwich and I want to be at home playing my X- Box, and I--  
  
Christian: SHUT UP!!! No more talking Zidler! I want to see movie, and movie good for Christian!!!  
  
Zidler: Sorry.  
  
(5 min. later)  
  
Christian, Zidler, and Toulouse are throwing popcorn at Nini  
  
Nini: Stop it or I'll have to strangle you with my enormous mustache!!!  
  
Toulouse: No.  
  
Green Fairy: Be nice to Nini.  
  
Christian: We're not being nice?  
  
Toulouse: Yeah, you don't like this Nini?  
  
Nini: No  
  
Toulouse: Oh my gosh. This is a real shocker for me.  
  
Zidler: Do you think they sell my mom's crumb cake sandwiches here?  
  
Toulouse: No they don't.  
  
Marie: Uh, where's Satine?  
  
(Satine is across the theater pulling on Mr. Pagel's skin)  
  
Satine: I know you're an alien! Now take off your skin and reveal your true identity.  
  
Toulouse: Satine, no!  
  
(our heroes rush over to where they are. Mr. Pagel escapes Stephanie's grip)  
  
Mr. Pagel: What is the matter with you? Are you crazy?  
  
Satine: No, you are, Mr. Pagel! Or should I call you Kleptor 3!  
  
Nini: We're sorry Mr. Pagel.  
  
Mr. Pagel: Sorry? Sorry? Do you know what it feels like to have your skin being pulled off your body?  
  
Zidler: Yes.  
  
Christian: Shush!  
  
Marie: Don't worry, Mr. Pagel. This will never happen again, will it Satine?  
  
Satine: Probably.  
  
Mr. Pagel: What?!?!?!  
  
Toulouse: She said no! It will never happen ever again!  
  
Green Fairy: Yes. Let's watch the movie.  
  
Christian: Actually, we missed it all.  
  
Zidler: What? We missed Lord of the Rings?  
  
Toulouse: Star Wars!!!  
  
(Zidler's lip starts quivering, and he runs out of the theater)  
  
Nini: Now what?  
  
Christian: Now we're going to China.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Tell me if I should continue this…. 


	2. Ling and the Food Shak

Scene 2  
  
(our heroes are in China for no apparent reason)  
  
Green Fairy: So, now that we're here, what do we do?  
  
Christian: Well, I'm kinda hungry.  
  
Zidler: Crumb sandwiches!!! Yay!  
  
Toulouse: Lets go!  
  
Scene 3  
  
(our heroes are at The Chosen One's Food Shak of Love, Happiness, and Some Chinese Food)  
  
Ling: Weeeeeeeeeeoooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeweeeeeeeee! Wa! Wa! (Welcome! I am Ling. How may I help you?)  
  
Christian: We'll have the Chinese food.  
  
Ling: Okay. Coming right up.  
  
(she leaves)  
  
Toulouse: Did she look familiar to you?  
  
Christian: Yeah, she was from---  
  
Zidler: Chinese table!!! (he runs an sits down and sighs). This is better than I ever imagined it. (he falls asleep)  
  
Marie: Hey, look! These papers say our zodiac animals on it!  
  
Toulouse: I'm a sandwich!  
  
Green Fairy: I'm a meatloaf!  
  
Satine: I'm an onomatopoeia!  
  
Nini: Hey, these aren't animals.  
  
Christian: Yeah, but what are you going to do. What's Zidler's animal?  
  
Toulouse: He's a schematle.  
  
Zidler: Did you say shackleton?  
  
Toulouse: No, I said schematle.  
  
Zidler: Oh, then I'll go back to sleep.  
  
Green Fairy: Oh, but our food's here.  
  
Zidler: I'm not hungry. Let's go.  
  
Everyone: Okay.  
  
(they leave)  
  
Scene 4  
  
(our heroes are at the Great Wall of China)  
  
Nini: They say you can see this from space.  
  
Zidler: I'm going to destroy it! (He hits his head on it and it falls to pieces)  
  
Christian: Zidler! Stop breaking things!  
  
Man: Oh no! Now we will be invaded by the Huns!  
  
Satine: The Huns? But they aren't--  
  
(The Huns run through the wall and start destroying China. An angry mob of Chinese people get torches and start chasing our heroes, but they get away.)  
  
____________________________  
  
Only 2 days left of school!!! 


	3. The Secret of Donuts

Act 2  
  
Scene 1  
  
(Our heroes are back in the United States)  
  
Christian: Great, Zidler. Another country we can never go back to under penalty of international law!  
  
Zidler: Sheep-skin seat covers.  
  
Green Fairy: What countries can we go to?  
  
Toulouse: Well, the U.S., but only in some states, Japan, South Africa, France, Puerto Rico, and Cambodia.  
  
Zidler: I wish I had a turtle shell…  
  
(And so it becomes Friday, and our heroes are in Mrs. Nutter's class.)  
  
Christian: So, Satine, what are you not going to do?  
  
Satine: Expose the truth?  
  
Christian: Good.  
  
(Mrs. Nutter walks in)  
  
Satine: Alien!! Must destroy!! (She runs to Mrs. Nutter and throws her to the ground) What planet are you from?!?  
  
Mrs. Nutter: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!  
  
Marie: Satine, stop it! Get away from Mrs. Nutter! She's not an alien!  
  
Satine: Oh, yeah? Then what's an anti-gravity despeculizer?  
  
Mrs. Nutter: That machine is used to empower various systematic supercomputers for space travel. It's used on my home planet of--- I mean, what are you talking about? (Her eyes start shifting)  
  
Satine: See?  
  
Toulouse: Hmm… that detailed description of the device was very revealing. I guess she must be an alien.  
  
Marie: I believe you too.  
  
Satine: Great! You two can come over to my laboratory after school and help me with my alien research.  
  
Scene 2  
  
(Satine, Toulouse, and Marie are at Satine's lab.)  
  
Satine: You can't listen to the password, so you'll have to plug your ears.  
  
(they do)  
  
Satine: Not a significant source of calories form fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, dietary fiber, vitamin A, and iron.  
  
(the door opens)  
  
Scene 3  
  
(They are now in Satine's lab with computers, science-y things, and alien projects.)  
  
Marie: Hey, what's this?  
  
Satine: A rock I found.  
  
Toulouse: But why does it have probes attached to it?  
  
Satine: It was talking.  
  
Marie: What's this map for?  
  
Satine: That's my Tom Cruise locator map. It tells me where he is right now in the world. I hate him so much!  
  
Toulouse: Are these x-rays?  
  
Satine: Yes. They're x-rays of Mr. Pagel, Mrs. Nutter, and the inquisitive lunch lady.  
  
Toulouse: How did you get x-rays of them?  
  
Satine: With this pencil. Well, it's not actually a pencil. It's a secret spy x-ray camera. See, these x-rays show everything in their bodies, except their brain. It's replaced with what I dubbed the "squeedalyspooch".  
  
Toulouse: Are these weapons?  
  
(Satine sighs because of the intelligence of her friend)  
  
Satine: Yes, they are. Now please wait here. My true form would like to talk to you. End transmission. (She fades away)  
  
Marie: Hey! Where'd she go?  
  
(just then, a door opens. Out walks the real Satine. In reality, she has four eyes, the body of a horse, and claws like a mountain goat)  
  
Toulouse: Uhh…  
  
Stepany: Hello. I am the true form of your friend Satine. My real name is Stepany 04012.  
  
Marie: Are you an alien?  
  
Stepany: No, I'm human.  
  
Toulouse: But… you look like an alien.  
  
Stepany: Well, that's a funny story. One day, I was eating donuts…  
  
(fifteen minutes later)  
  
… and so that's how I became this. The end.  
  
Toulouse: Okay…  
  
Marie: Hey! I work at the Moulin Rouge!  
  
Toulouse: We know. And I also know that…  
  
(an alarm starts ringing)  
  
Stepany: Oh no! The aliens are here!  
  
(She gallops off to her secret room and hologram Satine comes back.  
  
Satine: They've been aware of my secret operations for a while and I knew they'd find my hideout sooner or later. Luckily, I devised a plan.  
  
Marie: What?  
  
Satine: Watch.  
  
(She presses a button)  
  
_________________________  
  
I like cheese. 


	4. Tom Cruise the Mouse Warrior

Act 3  
  
Scene 1  
  
(Christian, Zidler, Green Fairy, and Nini are at Ireland.)  
  
Christian: We need to get back to America. Our friends need us.  
  
Nini: How do you know?  
  
Christian: My spleen just moved. Whenever it does that, someone is in trouble.  
  
Green Fairy: All right. Let's go!  
  
Zidler: But first…  
  
Scene 2  
  
(The teachers/aliens have entered Satine's secret hideout.)  
  
Satine: Ha! I knew it! You are aliens!  
  
Mrs. Nutter: Yes we are. But can you guess who our supreme leader is?  
  
Toulouse: Poppin Fresh?  
  
Marie: The Hamburger Helper man?  
  
Satine: It's Tom Cruise, isn't it!  
  
Mr. Pagel: No! It's this man.  
  
(He holds out his hand; there is a tiny man there)  
  
Toulouse: Who are you, and what is your evil plan?  
  
Snos Mis: I am Snos Mis, and I plan to take over Major League Baseball and turn it into Snos Mis Ball!!!  
  
Toulouse: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!  
  
Snos Mis: Yes I can. With my teacher aliens, I can do anything! Hahahaha!!!  
  
(Just then, a storm of angry leprechauns come in and attack the teachers.)  
  
Marie: What the? Huh?  
  
(The rest of our heroes come in)  
  
Toulouse: Look! It's Christian, Nini, and the Green Fairy!  
  
Zidler: And me!  
  
Toulouse: Yeah, okay.  
  
(Snos Mis walks up to our heroes)  
  
Zidler: AHHHHH!!! A tiny man!  
  
(Zidler shaves off all his hair and flies away, and for a split second, he becomes Kirby, then changes back)  
  
Snos Mis: You have foiled my plan of taking over Major League Baseball---  
  
Green Fairy: No we didn't. Your teachers defeated our leprechauns and---  
  
Snos Mis: Let me finish! You have defeated us, okay?  
  
Christian: Okay. Whatever you want.  
  
Snos Mis: Lets go faithful servants.  
  
(The aliens start flying away, but explode and turn into marshmallows)  
  
The End. 


End file.
